Feb 5, 2023
Christian & Single is not a crime
Singleness of Purpose/ with one purpose: great determination when you are working to achieve something the power of focus
In some churches, being single is a crime. Someone is always trying to marry you off. Or you are not considered a good candidate for leadership if you are unmarried. After 30+ years of ministry and marriage, I now don’t believe the church is correct. Sexual relations is on the mind and psyche of every adult. The average man thinks about sex on the average of 19 times a day. Women from the same survey about 10 times a day. You’ll notice that statistic didn’t mention married nor unmarried, Greek, Jew or Gentile.
Jesus the Christ, remained single, and so did Jeremiah and Paul and many others who were servants of God.
The Old Testament gives us numerous examples of godly adult singles. This should be a wake-up call for those who constantly complain about being single. God shows no partiality to those who are married, and there is no evidence today that He favors married people over single people.
Human beings are God’s highest form of creation. He created us in His image. He created us for Himself. He formed us in the womb and designed the perfect plan for our lives. As God’s children, we are all wonderful in His sight.
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. Gen 1:27
I think we have taken more than a few things out of context. While it is wise and prudent to not put a promiscuous person in charge of anything, being married doesn’t guarantee that. Having a mate is great and makes life easier for raising children but condemning people or ostracizing them for being single or widowed is not cool.
Then the LORD God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him. Genesis 2:18
Marriage is God’s loving gift to humanity and the chief context in which our desire for intimacy is met. Some people would perish without being married. They would self-destruct. At the same time, I know many married men that seek the day when they will be free from their wife. They are quietly suffering for the appearance of happiness. Everyone wants what they cannot have. The single wants to be married and the married want to be single.
The secret: Philippians 4:11
Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.
Many singles often daydream about relationships. They spend time fantasizing about their future spouse and what married life is like. Some even predict what they will and won’t do once they’re married. Many singles also diligently seek out relationships and tend to focus only on the glamorized aspects. As Christian singles, it’s essential to center the heart your attention on God, His will for your life, and developing yourself.
Being single can be hard. Do all you can to be godly. It’s easy for those who are single to lapse into a selfish, self-centered lifestyle and into sexual sin, whether in thought or deed. Be self-disciplined and accountable to others.
Keep your eyes fixed on heaven. It is our eternal relationship with Christ that ultimately matters.
Getting married is not your purpose. God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life. You have a specific purpose to fulfill during this season. You have work to do in God’s Kingdom. Focus more on God’s will for your life as an individual. Take some time each day to pray and ask God what He wants from your life at this time. Wait patiently for a response. During the wait time, delve into your spiritual gifts and work in ministry, inside and outside the church. You’ll discover a new sense of joy that will fulfill your life like you never imagined.
If you are single you need to start eliminating negative thoughts or images about being single.
Don’t covet other people’s relationships. If marriage is in God’s will for your life, it will be unique to you and your spouse. Stop watching HOUSEWIVES X.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Focus on things that bring you joy. Do something daily that makes your heart smile to keep your mind, body, and spirit focused on you as a person, not your status.
I know it’s easier to think this way when you are old and past child bearing years, when you beat the FOMO. The fear of missing out is gone. It still remains though in the back like a piece of paper that has slipped in the back of the drawer. Its lost but still there.
The result of this fear of failure or being consider a failure can make a miserable person. “Failing to launch” This misery can become:
- Depression and other mood disorders
- Bipolar disorder
- Anxiety disorders
- Existential anxiety
- Eating disorders
- Substance use and other addictions (including gaming addiction)
Aside from finding the correct therapist, a person going through might need some help with life skills. Their lack of motivation and lack of opportunities will contribute to feeling stuck. They may need a push to gain understanding, focus, and clarity can help emerging adults achieve full independence.
Being single is not a bad thing. You ought not to waste your life by viewing it as a trial to be endured. Single people are spared the “troubles” of marriage. There are many great blessings in marriage, but there are difficulties too. Understandably, Christian couples don’t often talk openly about the hard things they face, which can give singles a rose-tinted view of marriage. But there’s a downside even when a married couple’s relationship is good: life is more complicated. There’s more than one person to consider in decisions about use of time, accommodation, holidays, even the daily menu. And there’s more than one person to worry about. Children bring great pleasure but plenty of anxiety as well. Marriage does bring “many troubles in this life” and, Paul says, “I want to spare you this” (1 Cor. 7:28). He mentions these troubles here chiefly because of the bearing they have on the next point.
Single people can devote themselves more fully to God’s work: “An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided” (1 Cor. 7:32-34). A vital part of the Christian responsibility of married persons is to care for their spouse and children. That should take time, time that cannot therefore be spent in witnessing to people, helping out at a camp, doing the church finances, or leading a Bible study. Single people have more time to give to such things. It’s no coincidence that many activities in church life depend to a large extent on those who aren’t married. A few consciously choose to stay single to devote themselves to Christian work. Most single people haven’t chosen singleness in that way and yet they have the same advantages as those who have. Instead of focusing on the difficulties of being single, as some do, we should all make the most of the advantages of God’s gift of singleness while we have it.
Mary and Martha, along with their brother Lazarus, remained single. They served God faithfully and were close and loyal friends of Jesus who also remained single. Mary Magdalene was also a close friend of Jesus who never married.
In order to fulfill one's purpose, the Bible says it is best for some not to marry. If you continue wanting to be married when God has plans for you to remain single, you will never find real peace as long are you are striving to be married. If you do happen to get married, you will never be happy. Deep inner frustrations will always be there.
God calls some people to marry and some to remain single. Marriage is not automatically better than being single. Therefore, married people should not put a burden on single people to get married. Singleness and marriage are gifts from God that people can use for the glory of God.
Your being single is an opportunity not an inadequacy. Choose today whom you will serve.
Ephesians 4:32
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Matthew 6:14
“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”
Matthew 18:21-22
"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?' Jesus answered, 'I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.' "
Proverbs 17:9
“Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends.”
Psalm 103:12
"As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
1 Cor 13
If I had the gift of being able to speak in other languages without learning them and could speak in every language there is in all of heaven and earth, but didn’t love others, I would only be making noise. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy and knew all about what is going to happen in the future, knew everything about everything, but didn’t love others, what good would it do? Even if I had the gift of faith so that I could speak to a mountain and make it move, I would still be worth nothing at all without love. 3 If I gave everything I have to poor people, and if I were burned alive for preaching the Gospel but didn’t love others, it would be of no value whatever.
4 Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, 5 never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong. 6 It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out. 7 If you love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him.
8 All the special gifts and powers from God will someday come to an end, but love goes on forever. Someday prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge—these gifts will disappear. 9 Now we know so little, even with our special gifts, and the preaching of those most gifted is still so poor. 10 But when we have been made perfect and complete, then the need for these inadequate special gifts will come to an end, and they will disappear.
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Rev. Kenn Blanchard
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